preparation

2010-07-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

into it... thinking aloud. self-commitment. projection of time. preparation. put myself into a scenario, an actual real-time path of choices that have consequences, both good and... I can't say all bad. deciding before I need to. playing and watching... I'm in it. from lag to double-time and back to this moment. catch me

2010-06-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

a reason to be outside. the saturation of the sun after five. another song... one that you dont really think that you want to like, but after it being stuck in your head for so long it just becomes apart of the memory.

2010-06-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

when the when doe wh whah whindddddd
hwhah.
the movement of your mouth when you pronounciate the whah sound.
especially slowly.
kindof airy
whimsical
willy
when when when when. english, front of the mouth and nasal. THUH

2010-05-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

some get their weather report from their favorite news station, others look it up online, and some read the newspaper. Some people check their cellphone, or use a liquid barometer, and some just feel it in their joints.
I use a system called the grapevine forecast. If you ask enough people (or usually they share without you asking) I am able to get the gist.

2010-05-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'll remember some things soon. I'll be better soon. I'll be proud, and excited. I'll lie again, and again. I'll check things off and make a new list. pack things up tight and try something out of reach. stretch my calves and be lazy. free write... still nothing. try again. punctuation marks that look interesting and have a grand memory. think to myself of what someone else is thinking. circle of invisibility. chain reactions, and reasons. flutist doesn't equal a pianist. open mic. pH stands for the potential of hydrogen. micro greens which have nothing to do with the actual purchase but rather the transaction. new toy. new nuevo scramble. almost done free writing. practice. I remembered, oh wait, no I didn't. time frames. local currency. got me thinkin. curdled cream. habitat. infrastructure. growth. missing out. gaining. tides and the moon. symbol of Venus. miles per gallon. too long. no point. get used to it. held your attention

2010-03-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

lightly hazed of a day and a new venue for my butt to rest. I have been sitting for a bit to long, but I have enjoyed every minute of it. what a sunday. squeaky front brakes are quite embarrassing and I need to fix them pronto. I am tired of saying that I am ready for the scorching heat of the south to come. just come already. It's time to go home now, and these posts are just for me to indulge in. I want to learn spanish like the little boy behind me arguing with his mom in english as she orders him in spanish. cacao vs. cocoa.

2010-02-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

in blue. in blue, motley and blue. I could blame the cold for some things but seem to be thanking it for many more reasons. I know it will make me appreciate the warm oh so much. opportunities are waiting to be seized, and me being quiet and still will only magnify my escape. I think of so many people and places throughout my memories... I have that opportunity because I am teaching my self how to be still, not only in movement, but in thought. receptive. noticing slight changes in value, and transforming the mundane into the extraordinary. doesn't take much to make me happy, but let me get to know what sadness really is (down to the bone) so that I may know how to shake hands with it later in life.
always an adventure in my mind.

2010-01-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

where I am is where I am. squirrel cage. some knowledge is worth not knowing... deciding which things those are is only half the battle. balancing from others mistakes. I wish I could draw a picture right about now. I am a bucket. I will not continue with that analogy. I like being in this stage rather than a teacher. I will one day be in the position of imparting my experiences on another human being. daunting to think that I could actually depict and decipher codes for someone else. It seems like it would only be babble that happened to work for me, or not worked for me... for them to see. I like playing dumb. mouth closed. play your cards.

2009-12-19T12:56:00.000-08:00

what's on my mind... neuroscience in laymen's terms. lacto-fermentation. the waltz. large scale painting. bio-regional community building. laughing yoga. spring.

2009-12-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

I am completely nieve to the world around me. I could care less, or I could care more. I have no interest in many things right now because there is a time and place for everything. they will have their turn, just as these new... whatcha-ma-call'ems are having their turn. I started running on rainy days, since my labor isn't required, and I have mixed feelings about it. I thought I hated it, I thought it was bad for your joints, I thought it was silly to move so slowly. Now I do not hate running, new studies done on long distance runners actually disproved the outdated accusations (not to say you can trust the new studies), and it is quite humbling to move so slowly and eventually gain such distance. And I am a little less likely to get brutally damaged by a careless driver. there are many, many... many here.

2009-11-21T11:39:00.000-08:00

motivation stimulation progression and digression. the art of conversation, the what to say or what not to say... how to say it and when. art of leaning at the right time for the apex of a corner with a different clutch than I'm used to. the art of fine tuning a cement slab to relative perfection. timing, attitude, perspective, perspective, perspective. the art of touch. the trick of appearance. the trick of practicality. choice. never-ending and underestimated concept of choice.

2009-10-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

I found a coffee shop... this is not a new find, but a very key point in my new acquaintances. One-a-week, minimum, is my goal. My scent as I brush past you is a mixture of natural mica, georgia red clay, pine dust, and a hint of oxidized metal. That is only for this week though, and I'm excited for next week. I kept a pair of ankle-high, wood sole, black boots that I will dance in tonight. I'm still debating the vintage, forest-tweed vest to give my boots something to dance for. The 80's night, springing top floor of the crystal ball room has been replaced by a live fiddle and banjo. If you dance with all the women opposite the men, this is coined "formal." But we get crazy on saturday nights and sometimes dance "informal." My cup is full, and I hope you fill yours.

2009-10-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I am in the smallest library I've ever been in, but small is no big surprise here in this town. Establish your connections with caution here in Helen, Georgia. I am absolutely sucked into a whole different type of lifestyle, and there is nothing I wanted more at this time in my journey. My job is humbling me daily, my home is satisfactory for home-cooking and having my nose in a book, these mountains are slowly showing me their extravagancies and subtleties, and I find myself smiling more and more by the week. I have successfully put myself in the beautiful position of not needing anything more. The experiences are up to me, company is optional, and memories are in a well-filed catalog for rainy days. I find it hard to keep other people updated, mostly due to the simplicity of all this. It's new to me, and a month into it and a question mark until I need another new.

2009-07-15T00:45:00.000-07:00

we hold ourselves back so much... and we justify it so well.

2009-07-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

these are some things that I wrote before and during the trip...
I have found them to be sporadic and hard to follow, but sometimes each sentence is made to be on its own instead of dependent on a topic. This is similar to how my mind is.

11.03.08
five months past the taste on my tongue and hopefully only two more until I taste it again. I want it so badly that I have nothing else on my mind. My showers consist of daydreaming of all the showers I won't be taking. I am probably missing so much of life right in front of me, and can only hope it will pay off. What that means, no one knows. I feel guarded but not indestructible. I can't let mortality grip me, and keep me from this. TIME.

unknown date
PURPOSE. I will slowly realize what this life is about. It is about what makes me feel . I want to feel the world. I have to feel compassion to give compassion. I want to be made weak.

unknown date
San Pedro is beautiful almost beyond my belief... but there's something missing in the social invitation. This place just doesn't feel right. This might be the first time I've picked up a pen since we left portland on the 21st of January 2009. I've been on the road for a little over a month now via motorbike. Music has been good at resting. I've wanted to take a break from it in hopes for a sweeter return... but nature has enough sounds. The connections I have to make are so simple it's hard. Prove to me that I am not like everyone else. There is an itch to be scratched. Create what you want and call it an experience. I will sleep well tonight, just like the last, and maybe it's because I have created what I want to experience.

03.07.09
In these times I sit here and swirl all these half-ass thoughts, yet get nowhere. It seems like when I try to reflect I can't help but take my mind off of what is right in front of me. When I throw my leg over the saddle weighed down by all I need for years, the thoughts slowly fade into a tranquility of action. With so much concentration for my surroundings, its hard to think of the bigger picture. Like the one I paint for the people stuck at home. How do you describe the act of doing? Every story it provides is only a reaction, until transformed into words. Lost in translation. It doesn't seem possible to experience what someone else felt. Our lives, fragile, are no less lived while in a story. You still make choices and react to consequences, sometimes exaggerated, and sometimes making it seem as though you are living beyond yourself. Living in a story that you can't tell... It might just be that I am living in a story I feel I can't exactly tell. I want to hear you tell after you live this.

unknown date
The satisfaction that we derive from this world is fascinating. money, sex, love, and pain. The drugs we feed ourselves are even more astounding. How can I sit here with so little and be so high on just life. I think I need something more, but I know it will fail in comparison to this. Bigger picture... new worlds... new life. Make my decisions easy, flow through me and in me, show me whats real. thank you for showing me this, a privilege in every way... soak into me.

04.23.09
constant changing of our minds... show me someone that stays the same, and I'll argue they are even alive. shut my eyes, and my thoughts, because sometimes I don't want to figure it out--express it. What would it be to know the answer. Keep it a guessing game. Find it when it comes. Know it when it's here. Sometimes people do a good job of reinforcing my want for solitude, but it's those few that offer something to chew on that make me realize the whole point is to share it. There are too many places to be in this world and even more people to connect with. Take it slow, slow your worry--frame by frame. smile.

P.S- Computer is down, but hope to start on videos soon. Thanks for reading, enjoy your day.

2009-06-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

Ive wasted my words on real paper today, but I plan to transcribe them here eventually. I keep fighting with the end of this trip... once it's done, it is done. I want to go back so many miles. There are times that I thought would repeat themselves but never did, and there are times that stretched for so long that I cringe. the best part is knowing that the worst times turn into the best memories. I speak as though its over, but I am nowhere near. There are still too many variables, but maybe this modern city with fashion and money bring to mind what lies ahead. I keep in mind the comfortable routine of risk, and never lowball the price, but I see the map, the miles from the top, the miles that are left, and this trip seems to be so close to being in my past.

2009-05-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

lima, peru... I never thought I would have the urge to kick a car, but I did. I actually accumulated some form of rage. interesting. maybe it´s the arrid desert waste land, or the third or forth cop encounter, or maybe the high speed morons that tried to play tag with us coming into town--it could have been the lack of food energy to compensate for frustration, or the stressful ride on dirt roads in the middle of nowhere the night before. No, it was probably just the big city rush that I hate so much, and the complete lack of space concept--mixed with the effort in trying to stay together and find our way through lima, peru.

2009-05-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

time is completely lost, and not in the normal way of forgetting about and ignoring it. what is called a day can easily stretch into an uncontrollable amount of experiences. I have no idea what May is supposed to feel like at home, or what morning is like. I only ask someone the time if the sun has already been down for many hours, or if we happen to make a scheduled departure. I have a hard time remembering when I last emailed anyone, and how long ive been in a certain country. I don´t know the routine bustle and boredom that I used to know so well. I need not worry about when I have to be home, or even calling it ¨home.¨ I am worlds apart, but its really a trick. people are people. they surround me, and am still myself... constantly changing, just like I was before the trip. Seasons change, creating a concern for some bounderies of time. my hands concern me gripping a clutch lever and throttle in any temperature under 21°C. I hadn´t really planned for the glaciers and elevation that awaits me. I think I will survive, it´s most likely only in my head... my fingers will not start falling off as quickly as I think. this seems easily remedied to anyone not accustom to the art of motorcycle riding, but let me explain. If I buy thicker gloves to suit the weather, I will not be able to operate my machine adequatly. if I wear thinner gloves to be able to feel my heated grips, the windshield easily wins the battle. you have about a 1 1/2cm grace space from having your clutch engaged to being in gear. with steep winding roads that you conciously have to keep your pegs from scraping the tarmac, you are constantly switching from gear to gear at key points within the turn, and when I tap my finger on my handlebars and can´t feel a thing, a little voice in my head says ¨this isn´t the best senario.¨ survival seems so easy to conquer at the end of each day, but constantly teases me enough times before my eyes actually shut.

2009-05-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

write more, I want to. fashion, beauty, hidden treasures, and mountain tops... traffic and a family of seven that lets me sit at their table. speak with your eyes. a constant draining of money. it seems like the more that leaves, the less I seem to need it. an illusion to an extent, but truth to another. I want so much. I want time, I want patience, and I want to work... to work hard and long. to achieve satisfaction is priceless. satisfaction for myself, for yourself. I trick myself constantly. regret versus time. can I trick myself into not having regret, or trick myself that I have time.

2009-04-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

I would like to relay my experiences soley through my videos to come... mostly because I am a visual person, and I want to assume everyone else is aswell, but the videos will be atleast two to three months from now, and so I will try to write a tad here and there.

Im in South America... and I guess tramping new ground is nothing new, but a new continent is a treat. Its unfortunate the perception of Colombia, but I guess I should wait until I get all the way through to give an accurate description. As I travel through each country, I think of what I know already about the country... the land and the culture, and it's interesting to see if they match. Influence from movies, books, and word of mouth is all I have to go off of, and the same goes for most of the people watching me fly past their home town which is all of two seconds to me. I look for those thirsty eyes that I catch if I´m lucky, then remember that they can´t even see past my tinted goggles. I could swear they are looking straight into me. Do they think I´m crazy for driving a motorcycle for so long, do they want to know a little more, or honestly don´t care much at all.
I go back and forth from thinking this is the life for me. There is no doubt I could enjoy and endure this constant exposure to something new, but the questions go deeper than just that. I guess I could even wonder about an underlying plan for my life that I have yet to tap into. It´s almost as if there are hot/cold sensors around me, and they let me know how close I am, and how close it is to my heart. And so, the endless conversations go on with people I meet... who I feel have something to teach me, and my mind is hopefully expanding to a possible point of realization, or more importantly, decision.

2009-04-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

cant see the keyboard, and I never passed typing class with flying colors, nor can I spell very well. I need to run down the street for food, and I{m never sure what the next meal will bring to the table as far as nourishment, but I know that my body is still moving. Not all things are moving... certainly not the traffic getting into san jose today. First time in awhile on the motos. hmmm, how to describe the feeling... awesome scary freeing nerve-racking natural etc. It was very nice to ride with only one other rider and without that stupid POS chatterbox communication system buzzing in my ears. From a group of six riders down to two. pros and cons for both, but my sights are on Argentina. Not to say I don{t take every minute of my life with great appreciation, but its nice to think of what my future might hold. I{m not good at this blogging thing, I need to talk about someone else. I love everyone at Pension santa elena who helped us out. I will be thinking of you guys for a long time.

I find it hard to enjoy a book right now, I just stare and flip the pages with my head off doing its own thing. I{m just enjoying my own book right now.

2009-03-07T05:36:00.000-08:00

market in panajachel, Guatemala

a>cathedrals in Antigua Gautemala
sunset in la libertad, El Salvadorborder boy into el salvador

sunrise laguna de apoyo, Nicaragua

2009-03-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

preparation is a way for me to feel comfortable amidst an experience. Now don´t get me wrong... sometimes the experience with the least preparation holds the most reward, but we all like to be comfortable every once and awhile.

It´s cloudy here in Antigua today. Weather I am not used to so far. It usually gets perfectly warm in the day and drops down to a ¨put some socks on¨ cool after sunset. The city is inviting. A few more tourists than I would like to see, but I guess there is a reason. The cathedrals stand high above the straight cut roofs and
rod iron windows. Everything is recessed into the slowly decaying walls, as if reminding you not to judge a book by the cover. Native Mayans seem to flaunt their skill of balancing huge baskets of goods like its been around for longer than the language I speak. They make up for their set life with the cloth colors they drown their bodies with. They flood the city with archaic methods interrupted by loud chicken buses painted in not-so-respectable schemes and slowly dodge the tiny motorcycles that put mosquitoes to shame. An intersection can turn into a clusterfuck in seconds, and protruding cobblestone amongst the anything-but-flat calle makes a stroll around the block into a suicide of firing neurons in my brain. We go out and pretend not to spend any money in the attempt at finding the bar with the most activity. Nights, such as the last, exceeded my expectations, but I´m sure the rum had nothing to do with it. I feel great after the warm, morning cleaning without a shower head, and am glad to have some time to put down a thought or two. But as I do, my baby behind me is getting a little jealous. We tucked all our bikes into the hostel courtyard, and she is looking over my shoulder as I type about everything but her. She has been good to me. She hardly ever complains, and when she does its usually due to me saving a couple pennies and putting in crappy central american petrol. She holds me tall, and ducks me low around the switchbacks at steep downgrades. I hope she makes it back with me.
I could talk about the food, my health, and write a book on the scenery... but I can´t bore you right now, you have to go do the dishes or be at a meeting soon.

love

breakfast joint

saturday market

Guatemalan soccer game

2009-02-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

________________________

international representation
you have to acclimate to the hostal world (communal hotel with dorm rooms and backpackers from everywhere). you make your statement the moment you walk through the kitchen packed with four different nationalities cooking side by side to get to your room... whether you mean to or not. Its been a little while since ive been in one. you have to get used to the same questions for every single person you rub shoulders with. Where are you from, how long have you been here, where are you going next, and when do you leave here? sounds easy enough right? I have come to despise every one of those questions. Having a "token white guy" in our group is sometimes hard, but not any more difficult than dealing with my own representation (if that makes any sense). Sharing the kitchen is my favorite part by far... peaking over their shoulders, and not knowing which language to ask if they need a certain pan to use. If they talk in a thick enough accent, I usually ask in spanish. The Aussies have usually been standoffish in the kitchen at this last hostel, but they make some good food. The germans, and belgium have been really nice and open.

________________________

world view
you have to get your view straight and every word you mumble counts, even if your not able to preface your statement. mostly you dont have the time to explain yourself, especially when your in a setting of inebriation.

________________________

communal hierarchy
in our group we have the quick thinking mechanic, the translator, the peace maker, the cook, and the token white guy. All very different, and all pick up and put down lots of slack.
the quick thinking mechanic is callie... ironically with the most bike problems... pushes the group, likes to take lead, quick to get frustrated, and quick to help you when you need it.
The translator is Milan, and he is obviously invaluable. Likes girls, makes up funny songs, doesn´t like to deal with mundane things that take time to sort out, never has his own water, and will bring out the best of you in most social settings.
The peace maker is chris bean. He mostly gets frustrated with himself only, with a few little things that we do that bug him. I always feel for him when he gets down, and it makes me think about what I do. He is good for getting to the point in decision making, and puts us straight.
I{m the cook, and I dont like you in the kitchen with me, but I{ll cook for you any chance i get, I slow down the group on the road usually because of my lack of riding experience, I am not that good with learning my way through a new city, but I'll make up for it on the dance floor. The token white guy is lawson, and you gotta love the guy, but Ive been on this computer too long, and gotta go.

much love

2009-02-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

A small challenge to myself on this trip is to be able and edit videos on the road only using different computers long the way. The biggest part of that is to use the music on that particular computer. Could be fun, but I will miss my music for sure. The videos will also be of less editing quality from here on out. Just roll with it.

_______________________________

The things we call necessity, in terms of life, are magnified to a beautiful extent while traveling. Food, water, sleep, and shelter is all we really need to survive. Whilst living comfortably, I never felt such consequence for depriving my physical body of any of those things. Life.

2009-01-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

2009-01-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

A house that has been handed down to you through two generations is always good for living in San Francisco. Cindy was ecstatic to help us out. She taught me a little about cunsuming only raw foods, and how she organizes her week to replenish all parishables by Saturday. Good heart.

The gracious guys in Santa Barbara were a good rest. Opened not only their home but their life to us. Ultimate frisbee and a barbeque with an amazing combo breakfast was memorable.

Camping in Southeastern California, close to Arizona, reminded me of the hurricans in the South. The kind of winds that ripped holes in your tent, and worried me about my bike staying on its kickstand. Not much sleep, but the sunshine in the morning soothed my frustration.

We made it to Pheonix to pick up our fifth member, Milan. Nice to be off the seat of the bikes for some days. We are getting our valves checked and ordering last minute parts from a mechanic friend Keith... really nice guy. We went out for a few drinks and shot some pool with Bianca here.

We will most likely cut out many stops I wanted to personally make on my way out of the states, which was expected, but disappointing. I might be into Mexico soon.

internal compass

2009-01-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

I am heading South/Southeast on my trip, and I found out, after a little head scratching, that my compass that I mounted on my windshield is broken... stuck in the direction of South/Southeast. Coiencedence.

___

Some of the greatest moments are the ones that I want to forget to record. How to whelm yourself with the moment verses sacrifice attention for pricelessness.

___

videos to come. need time to edit.

2009-01-19T00:58:00.000-08:00

Either I do this now slightly blind,

or I never do it when I am completely ready.

The one thing I am not prepared for is for everything to go right.

If anything happens to me that kicks me out of what we call ordinary,

let it only be an exclamation of what was given to me in the first place.

2009-01-06T22:25:00.000-08:00

2009-01-06T01:40:00.000-08:00

how often do we let other things speak for us. an extension, as it stands, is all we sometimes rely on. for better or for worse. inanimate. animate. forced